See with Your Heart. Listen with your Eyes.

Building Your Parent-Que and Parent Resiliency

Yesterday I spoke with a good friend who applauded my efforts and follow-through when my child explained a unfortunate (and sadly repeated incident) that happened to him at his preschool.  While I am still “soft” when it comes to remembering and pulling together different resources to support my child and family long-term, I kept thinking the fortune that we had that he could tell us what happened.

I work with many families who don’t get the story…yet. The story about their child’s day, the funny thing that happened, or the incident that hurt their feelings of bodies.

It can be scary to place your children and partner with people (schools, therapists, teachers) when your child is unable to communicate with you and/or when you carry the baggage of damaged history of unmet expectations or hurtful interactions.

How do you go on as parent, licking your own wounds, maintaining your family system, and still making sure your child receives what they need.

As I process my own feelings, I remember a statement from my sister about Seeing with your heart, Listening with your eyes, and trusting again.  I’m writing this for you and me (us).

So how do we move forward?

  1. We keep listening to our children with our hearts.
  2. We build resiliency and trust again.
  3. We ask better questions the next time around.
  4. We get a therapist to help us get through our own pain.
  5. We let our children thrive without our baggage.
  6. We decide that things will work out and get better.
  7. We lick our own wounds and call them by name.  We don’t stuff them down and hide behind our busy.
  8. Check your friend circle and reduce your interactions with insensitive people.
  9. Stop expecting people you think should help and support to do so.  Be open to where the resources and the support comes from.
  10. Don’t allow the last relationship gone wrong to hinder you moving your child forward.

And I cannot stress enough, the getting the therapist part.  When I dealt with our own challenges, I had a few people that helped and a one that was just insensitive.

The helpful ones were called the

  • Sensitive Friend – “I’m sorry this has happened to you.  I know you do so much.  Let’ just process this.”
  • Warrior Friend – “Let’s position and fight.  We need a plan.  I got you”
  • Resource and Check – “Here is something we can do.  Here is the number you needed.”

We just closed our mediation with the careless preschool experience with our son and the wave of emotions came again.  I’m writing this for us…it’s what I needed and a familiar situation I have heard and felt from many families served.

For additional resources:

ABA Training for Families (RBT Training)

Counseling Department at Momentum led by Elizabeth Carr, MA, LPC, NCC

Let’s Thrive and Keep the Momentum going!



Photo by London Scout on Unsplash

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